Peace.

K and I are making decisions together but apart. To stay or go. And to go or go. Somehow after tonight, with tea and short conversations, I feel better. Like the pressure is a little lighter on my chest.
Like I'm not alone anymore.
I'll confess, it has been so hard these past few weeks, to pretend like all my praying and lists and more praying and hopes is getting me somewhere, is getting me an answer. It's not. I can't choose. And I was somewhat desperate this morning, but tonight, tonight K told me things.
Noah. Noah and his illogical ark.
And I told K things. She has a way of making me say the things I need to hear to her.
And now, peace.
That sweet, pleasurable taste in your mouth when you breathe out and feel your small back muscles relax and it all comes to a stillness. Peace.

Sometimes two decisions can be right decisions. Maybe one is righter, maybe they are the same, but whatever their weight, so long as you have the smallest portions of faith, heaps of blessings will fall on you. Whatever you decide. Whatever you choose.

I'm telling myself that, currently. It is the most savory thing I've said on my lips in a long time. This calls for an 11pm cup of tea. As I finish my French homework with eyelids half shut and sketch out the best parts of this weekend for future painting.

Vendredi/Samedi/Dimanche

I spent this weekend with my older sister and my brother-in-law and my younger sister and my niece to be. There were brownies and coffee and coffee and coffee.
And my best friend.
K showed up. I was tired as ever and worried about French homework and in mid-laughter when she walked through the door in her red shoes. I didn't know, I didn't realize it was her. It was like a dream. I really believed it was a dream, because if you knew how many times I imagine her walking through a door where I am, you might be sad for me. But it was real.
It was real this time.
We sat shoulder to shoulder on a yellow couch and I was too happy.

I learned so much this last week. Here is one of my best things.
You will never truly be happy until you realize that your life is not about you.
Here is my worst thing.
I want to make people laugh. I don't know how to do that, and never before this Friday have I wanted more than ever to make people laugh.

Life is all colors and bliss these days.
I don't know what I want. I don't know who is going to walk through my door. I don't know what to do.
And that is not a sin.
Not knowing is not a sin. Because my life is not about me. The most fabulous thing about that though is that I know it. So here's to coffee and making things and going places and seeing people and "Madeline" and not knowing.

Here is to not being sure.

It is white with little green flowers along the bottom of it. And it's from Japan

Fleur.
The Catcher in the Rye is coming babysitting with me today. I'm almost through with The History of Love and Great House. Little Women stays at home. I like to read that one in my bedroom and the bathtub.
Today is painting day. I need to find a good painting tee shirt. And some paint. But one thing at a time.
I got this new cup for a quarter the other day. I drink my morning tea in it now. I need to get Kirsten a special cup to drink her's in before she gets here. Unless she brings one. Oui. I did just say that my best friend would pack a glass mug all the way down to Oregon. She is that cool.
I need to get dressed. I leave in an hour.
I am getting good at timing now that I have college and everything. I can't decide whether or not I like that about me. I probably will decide to like it. It's a good thing.
And just to announce, we officially have flour. So all bread baking of the summer really begins now.
I should finish Norm.
Bye.
Bella.

Practice makes tired.

Dear Fleur.
I went to Church this morning. The one thing that stuck out to me:
"Why die for someone who's already dead?"
We actually serve a risen Lord. And that is incredible.

busy.

dear fleur.

we are planning a benefit concert for an orphanage this weekend. i think i went crazy 4 hours ago. i feel like i have so much to do. and ria has been playing our ears off with that kazoo of her's. thanks a lot nat. (wink).

it is kirsten's birthday in 8 days. and i know just what i'm going to get her. it is so cuteeeeee. sort of. in a non-cute but kind of really way. it's the idea that is cute.

i start teaching this coming week. we were on break. now it's back to lesson plans and all that jazz. monday and wednesday nights are filled people.
and we took a babysitting job on tuesdays. so i really won't be going anywhere after dinner. i'll be chasing children and teaching proper sidekicks.

necklaces are stalled lately. but i am pondering shop names. something like, "bellananci" or "nancibell". i don't know. they look kind of weird put together. but i like the way they sound.
sometimes i think way too hard.

mandy is using flora in the kitchen right now. she has this lovely brocade that i want to make into a pencil skirt. i am so tempted to snag a yard or two. but it is her's. oh my. the woes of sisterhood and fabric. maybe she'll share?

banana bread at the table. loveeeee itttttt.

love bell.

Iced latte.

I saw her.
She wore her Mom's earrings from Junior High. It was the cutest thing ever. We had coffee. Took a walk. Hugged each other to death. She played A Fine Frenzy's "Almost Lover" for me. I bought her Hens&Chicks from a nursery down the road. We held hands. Ate cherries. Pretended no one else was there. She got a tan. I got a sunburn. I gave her homemade paper with flowers pressed in it from a little shop downtown. She gave me my early birthday presents.
And then we said goodbye.
And I cried my eyes out.
And she waved out the sun-roof as they drove off.

3rd time. In 3 years. After 1 1/2 years apart. My best friend.
I held her hand.

I love you Kirsten Bean.

Love, Your Bell.

Kirsten.

Dear Fleur.
I have a best friend. Her name is Kirstie Rae. She is a doll. She is my favourite. She is so sweet. She is the best baker I know. SHE IS THE REASON I WANT TO LEARN FRENCH. And she is mon petit chou.
You should get to know her.
So.
I interviewed her.
You can thank me later.

The Nanny.
•

•What is your blog about? And why did you start it?

My blog is about the simple joys of life. Most anything really. Though I've realized it mostly consists of food and recipes. I started it just for fun actually.

•Describe you. Who you are. What you look like. What you do.

Me? I have been told that I was..."The sweetest grumpy person I've ever met."{Bell} I'm a seventeen-year-old girl. Not short. Not tall. Dark brown eyes. Dark brown hair. Nanny.

•Best friend(s)?

Grace&Bell

•Tea or coffee?

I think I would have to say TEA. Though that is a tough call.

•Give me an outline of your morning. From waking up to 12 o'clock.
Oh boy....Turn off my alarm at 6:00am-get dressed and ready for the day-find something to eat-leave the house to get to work by 7:00am-pack lunches-wake up the kiddos-get them fed, ready, and two of them on the bus by 8:30am.

•Boys should...

...be responsible.

•One thing you've always dreamed of buying for yourself:

Set of copper mixing bowls. ...or a 1965 mustang...

•First thing that comes to your mind for each of these.

Hungarian: Dancing...

Bagels: Boil

Fingernails: Breaking

Short: Espresso

•You believe in...

My Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

•Give me a poem you love.

{I can't think of one, sadly.}

•"Why would you want to lean down to kiss a girl for the rest of your life?"

Would you rather carry a stepladder around?

•In 10 years you will:

...Hopefully be living life to the fullest.

•MILK. Skim? Whole? 2%? 1%? Chocolate?

Whole.

•What is attractive&flattering to you in a woman? And a man?

A woman?...I've never really thought about that. Je ne sais pas.

A Man? Capable. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Mechanically inclined.

•Best time to talk to people you love?

♥ Over a pot of tea. ♥

•Love means?

...so many things.

•Inspiration?

Gods creation, little kiddos and their amusing antics, robust flavors.

•Hopes for your blog's future?

More consistency on my part. More readers and feedback.

•WISHES:

A little kitchen {and house, and family} of my own someday.

The knowledge of an amazing mechanic.

•

One dear friend summed her up best. She is like "an antelope in a junkyard."
(The best compliments are the quirky ones.)
One of my favourite things about Kirsten, her prudence. And her heart. Those two together make for a lovely young woman. I once though of writing a story about a girl with a prudent heart. One just like her. Maybe I will...
But.You should really read her blog.
WithoutEnvy.

(I think this is my favourite picture of her.)

Did I mention she can make a beautiful loaf of bread? And her cakes actually come out of the pans?
Call me jealous.

Love from Bell.

[NOT]frown.

Dear Fleur.
This morning, I woke up and had NUTELLA on a cinnamon raisin bagel while writing on little pink paper hearts. Then I sewed for Kirstie. And then I found out that my lovely friend with gorgeous red hair started a blog. She started a blog.
Take that non-bloggers.
It's delightful. And quirky. And beautiful. And tasty.
Just like her.
Check it out on my little sidebar. She just got started, but it's already to die for.
She's the one with the red hair. & the pretty eyes. & the cute name. & the blue plaid.
She will make you scream with happyness.
A sure cure for all those frowning people.
Love from Bella.