Vendredi/Samedi/Dimanche

I spent this weekend with my older sister and my brother-in-law and my younger sister and my niece to be. There were brownies and coffee and coffee and coffee.
And my best friend.
K showed up. I was tired as ever and worried about French homework and in mid-laughter when she walked through the door in her red shoes. I didn't know, I didn't realize it was her. It was like a dream. I really believed it was a dream, because if you knew how many times I imagine her walking through a door where I am, you might be sad for me. But it was real.
It was real this time.
We sat shoulder to shoulder on a yellow couch and I was too happy.

I learned so much this last week. Here is one of my best things.
You will never truly be happy until you realize that your life is not about you.
Here is my worst thing.
I want to make people laugh. I don't know how to do that, and never before this Friday have I wanted more than ever to make people laugh.

Life is all colors and bliss these days.
I don't know what I want. I don't know who is going to walk through my door. I don't know what to do.
And that is not a sin.
Not knowing is not a sin. Because my life is not about me. The most fabulous thing about that though is that I know it. So here's to coffee and making things and going places and seeing people and "Madeline" and not knowing.

Here is to not being sure.

busy.

dear fleur.

we are planning a benefit concert for an orphanage this weekend. i think i went crazy 4 hours ago. i feel like i have so much to do. and ria has been playing our ears off with that kazoo of her's. thanks a lot nat. (wink).

it is kirsten's birthday in 8 days. and i know just what i'm going to get her. it is so cuteeeeee. sort of. in a non-cute but kind of really way. it's the idea that is cute.

i start teaching this coming week. we were on break. now it's back to lesson plans and all that jazz. monday and wednesday nights are filled people.
and we took a babysitting job on tuesdays. so i really won't be going anywhere after dinner. i'll be chasing children and teaching proper sidekicks.

necklaces are stalled lately. but i am pondering shop names. something like, "bellananci" or "nancibell". i don't know. they look kind of weird put together. but i like the way they sound.
sometimes i think way too hard.

mandy is using flora in the kitchen right now. she has this lovely brocade that i want to make into a pencil skirt. i am so tempted to snag a yard or two. but it is her's. oh my. the woes of sisterhood and fabric. maybe she'll share?

banana bread at the table. loveeeee itttttt.

love bell.

i know what i am making my mother.

dear fleur.
i want to be this girl. but i don't own a pair of red tights.

i'm tired.

yesterday i spent 2 hours sweeping the streets of my town. with a little broom. and 70 other people. yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.

right now i'm listening in on one of nat's college classes in eugene. HE152: drugs, society, and behavior. so sweet. sort of. i like it.

my little brother is watching 'xmen.'

i think now i'll go have a cup of tea. and read some jane austen. listen to the beatles. and glue more pictures in my inspiration book. time to get the typewriter back out. oh. and i'll work on mother's day. flora could get some usage today. yes, yes she will.
love, bell.

down.

Dear Fleur.

(Nat)

I kind of love this.
I have a thing for feet.
From Bella.

Poetry in sleep.

Dear Fleur.
The other night I had this dream. And in it, I wrote this brilliant poem. And everyone liked it. And they told me. And I liked it. And it felt so sweet.
But then I woke up.
And I couldn't remember a single line of that poem. I cried. I was so mad. And I didn't know what to do other than be mad.
Then Nat skyped me. And he wanted me to help him with a song.
Let me make something completely clear at this point:
I AM NOT A POET.
But I like to pretend that I could be. And sometimes, when I help Nat, I almost feel like one. So I jumped at the chance to write a little with the boy playing the ukulele. And I think I got carried away this morning. Because I wrote too much. But I was excited. Because of that dream I had.
And I just have to say,
Thank you Nat.
You make me feel like a poet.
&
SOMETIMES YOU'RE GOING TO FORGET THE POEMS YOU WRITE IN YOUR DREAMS, BUT LIFE GOES ON.
Love from Bella.