Jehovah + me + encouragement

I am about to go brew some tea and sit on the rooftop with my little sister. We are practicing the art of living slowly before we both head off on our adventures by next week. Then living slowly will be somewhat improbable for some time.

I got a package today. It was surprising + sweet + unexpected. Two more lovely books to add to the best ones that must come with me. I probably shouldn't be, but I'm taking most all of my dear novels with me and only leaving three boxes behind for safekeeping. I'm too sentimental to part with them at this point in life. They seem necessary. They are necessary.
I've traveled to hundreds of worlds, lived hundreds of lives, learned thousands of things. How could I leave that all behind? There is no possible way. I tried to talk myself out of a few of them the other morning. You don't really need these, I said to myself, my hands clutching a small red-bound book of poetry till my knuckles turned white. But I knew in my heart that I did. I do, I do need them. All of them.
Books are the ability to time travel. Giving that up would leave me a destitute soul.

These days of late have been full + brimming. We have been busy with loved ones and learning to love others. I took some time today, stole away really, to nap and write out an essay I had been meaning to because I cherish it so. And now, tea will happen.

It was one of the best things I've ever learned, that I can be others by reading. But it was better that I learned I am already beautiful, and I have a good life to live too. It was proven to me today, by a parcel + a small note.
I want to encourage you all my friends, because I was encouraged today. Your life is what you make of it, so make it gorgeous. Take time to read. Wanderlust. Learn. Discover. Do simple, slow things. Things you love.
And God is great. God is glorious. Because He is Jehovah-Jireh, and He is Jehovah-Nissi.

Today it seems that everything is a gift, and everything is wondrous.

Peace.

K and I are making decisions together but apart. To stay or go. And to go or go. Somehow after tonight, with tea and short conversations, I feel better. Like the pressure is a little lighter on my chest.
Like I'm not alone anymore.
I'll confess, it has been so hard these past few weeks, to pretend like all my praying and lists and more praying and hopes is getting me somewhere, is getting me an answer. It's not. I can't choose. And I was somewhat desperate this morning, but tonight, tonight K told me things.
Noah. Noah and his illogical ark.
And I told K things. She has a way of making me say the things I need to hear to her.
And now, peace.
That sweet, pleasurable taste in your mouth when you breathe out and feel your small back muscles relax and it all comes to a stillness. Peace.

Sometimes two decisions can be right decisions. Maybe one is righter, maybe they are the same, but whatever their weight, so long as you have the smallest portions of faith, heaps of blessings will fall on you. Whatever you decide. Whatever you choose.

I'm telling myself that, currently. It is the most savory thing I've said on my lips in a long time. This calls for an 11pm cup of tea. As I finish my French homework with eyelids half shut and sketch out the best parts of this weekend for future painting.

Leon Werth.

Dear Fleur.
I am at school. Writing my essay. Sort of. I kind of just want to go lay in the chair in the corner and pull my yellow sweater over my face and sleep. I won't though. Because I am writing my essay.
I was reading Joel last night, and then I had a dream that someone gave me a whole paper sack full of pale pink peonies. It was pretty darn amazing. That's probably why I am so tired. I woke up thinking about the dream and couldn't really sleep after. I was busy drawing peonies last night.
I haven't worked on Norm The Tie Man for 5 days now. I feel really bad. But everything is crazy. There is just so many birthday presents I need to finish and wrap and send and keep. I AM ALMOST OUT OF RIBBON.
My French is suffering. Remind me to get the snowball from Rog tonight so Victoria and I can have a lesson next week. Okay. Good.
Now.
Back to my essay. And then when Mandy gets out of math she and I will have quesadillas for lunch. I made them with muenster and avocado and turkey. But I forgot my tea. I was going to make tea this morning. Zut alors.
Love Bella.

Victoria who speaks French.

Dear Fleur.
This morning was a french lesson over skype with Victoria. I adore her. She taught me how to say kiss and the colours. I like yellow and blue the best. Pink is too hard to say.
I was so glad that skype actually worked. It only works when we have the snowball now. So merci Nat for leaving it. And to Rog, for bringing it. One day I'll write you a letter in French or something else darling like that...

English breakfast tea. Did you know we have sugar cubes? They're 10 times cuter than loose sugar.

Today I have to do Art History homework with Tazza. Write Taite Isabeau a letter. Paint. Find le petit camera. Drink more tea. Possibly take a trip to Costco(I have some happy notes to hide). Read all three of my copies of The Little Prince. Make a book list for India. I want to write today. Really write. I need to fix one story. But there's another in my head that I need to get out. I blogged about it once. I need to find it again. We should got o the post office too.
But now there's laundry to do.
Love Bella.

i know what i am making my mother.

dear fleur.
i want to be this girl. but i don't own a pair of red tights.

i'm tired.

yesterday i spent 2 hours sweeping the streets of my town. with a little broom. and 70 other people. yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.

right now i'm listening in on one of nat's college classes in eugene. HE152: drugs, society, and behavior. so sweet. sort of. i like it.

my little brother is watching 'xmen.'

i think now i'll go have a cup of tea. and read some jane austen. listen to the beatles. and glue more pictures in my inspiration book. time to get the typewriter back out. oh. and i'll work on mother's day. flora could get some usage today. yes, yes she will.
love, bell.

Address to Heaven?

Dear Fleur.
Yesterday, I was in a movie. Sort of. Napoleon Dynamite style. But more on that later.

Today, I'm in pajamas. Plaid pajamas. And I'm going to go write a letter to God. Yes, I do write letters to God. No, I don't mail them. But one day I will. Anyone know Heaven's address?

Ria is playing guitar behind me. That is nice. Makes me feel better. For someone reason, I don't feel good today. Not sick...just...ugh. Like the world is spinning really fast. It's too hard to explain. I think all I need is to lay on the wood floors and draw love stories and drink tea. Beautiful. I should go do that.

My new project is coming. Just a few more things to work out.

Now I have to go write that letter.
Love, Bell

tea.

dear fleur.
bonjour.
i went to the tea shop the other day.
i like the tea shop.
i had a pot of Blue Flower Earl Grey(#15).
so good.
it made me fall in love with the tiled table.

when i'm older, i'll sit in the tea shop for hours. and write love stories. and drink chai. and people will stare. and i will be happy.

love from bella.