whelming.

sometimes i am overwhelmed by words. and i feel like i am laying in the middle of the road waiting to be run over. all because of things that people wrote to me and things i wrote and things i didn't.
and then i think,

will anyone ever understand?

there are so many people i need to describe. too many. and there are so many people i feel like i need to meet. and so i go into my yard at night and look at the 1000000000 stars and want to scream and then i think,

i am fine.

Mini Van want.

Dear Fleur.
I am thinking of buying a mini van. Yes, I did just say that. No, I am not stupid or getting married.
I just want a good car that is not super expensive. And it just so happens there is a mini van for sale for $600 and it's only 30 minutes away.
I have to call the guy today.

I'm obsessing over Maurice Sendak a little too much lately. Last night I cried and read Where The Wild Things Are. Tell me that's a normal thing to do. Because sometimes I do it a lot. And I would like to be normal.

Eesh. What am I saying? I'll never be normal. I'm a 19 year old girl who cries over children's books about monsters and wants to buy a mini van as her first car. THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

And I think I'm o.k. with that.
Love Bell.

districts and blue string and the boy who died.

dear fleur.
districts is done.
niceeee.
and i almost fell asleep it was so cold.
not so nice.

(via)

i wrote a story in my head about 7 minutes ago while i was taking a nap. about a girl. she had a blue string in her hair. and some boy always pulled it and untied it. she was always mad at him.
but then they fall in love.
and surprise, it works out. they get married. and they're very happy. positively in love every morning. i saw them in their kitchen a lot. they ate scones together. and muffins. and skim milk. but then
he
died.

i feel really bad.

i hate when i can't make things work they way i want them too. i hate when my fictional girls end up crying in their beds with their older brothers comforting them. and their husband is
not
alive
anymore.

for the love of donut holes.

i can't even dream the way i want too anymore.
love, bella.

lady[ish].

dear fleur.
i used to hate garden hoses in my pictures. till i saw this photograph from here. it kind of makes me love them now.

today:

there is something really beautiful about happy[ness]. there is something really perfect about being feminine. there is something pretty darn darling about pearly fingernails.

"after all, a girl is, well, a girl. it's nice to be told you're good at it."
-rita hayworth

i just watched a little girl spin around so her dress blossomed out around her hips. and then she would fall to the ground. and then she would fix her hair. and then she would repeat. for an hour.
it was adorable. the little doll-face.

i like being a lady today.
and now,
i kind of like garden hoses.
and i am growing my fingernails out.
face.
no.
doll-face.

xo, bella.