Acceptance.

I just finished half a glass of a sweet malbec. I was done after two sips though. It's moments like that when I am completely reassured that the man I marry has to adore wine.

I've been working today on anything but homework. I wrote and drew and painted and sewed and read and sang. I am about to go finish some pictures too. With tea. I think I was glad because I started my day off with glass mugs from Ikea and cinnamon flavored coffee.

I'm going to go draw dinosaurs and fume over my awful test score in biology which I'm positive I got.
I am trying so hard to hold myself to a standard of grace. So hard.
Especially this quarter.

Because it will all be gone someday. None of it will matter. What will matter is the experiences I walk away with, the things I learned, whether or not I took time to go to Spain, the pictures I drew, and the things I made. What will matter is the sentences I underlined in the textbooks I bought, whether or not I learned to like wine, if I perfected my calligraphy, if I went to India, and the teas I discovered. What will matter is if I did what I wanted and was happy doing it. What will matter is if I worked hard as I could whether or not someone else decided I didn't meet their expectations. What will matter is my joy and the moments in which I found it. What will matter is the songs I sang as loud as I could.
What will matter will matter.
And I will be fine with that.

With tea every morning and strong coffee on some days and Ikea trips alone and being alone and loving it and the words that mean things most and the rhythms and the loveliness and the countries and the things I see and saw and will see.
I will be fine.
And I like that.