Comes August

This morning I wrapped up a package for my niece. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love sending letters, but I love sending parcels even more. There is something impossibly perfect about closing the lid of a cardboard box and pressing down on the flowers that I nestled inside.

I laid down outside today, exasperated with myself and all of the decisions I have to make still. There are so many choices in life. So many things to do or not to do. So many. Some days I just want to blindfold myself and point and say, that one. And then I would look. And I would do it, no matter what it was and if I liked it or not. It's hard to choose, even when you know what you want and everything makes sense. It still takes faith to say, that one, and to keep your eyes open as you do it.

Sometimes I think life would be nice if it was like a package and you get what you get. Then you just deal with it. Sometimes I think that. Days like today are when I think that.
But then I remember grace and mercy and the beauty that comes from the ability to make choices.
It's a good thing I'm not God. I would be the sorriest reason to worship ever.

I am so fickle. So foolish. So irrational.
So human.
There's some encouragement in that. I am only human. I can only be, and only so much. And even when I want all of my decisions to be wrapped up in a cardboard box full with basil that I open when I feel like it, I am still worth something.
I still have a purpose.

In the midst of my overwhelmed-ness these August days, I am counting my blessings and trying to grow a larger heart. The God who made me and named me is so good. I hope you know that. I hope you know Him.

Your whole life changes when you do.

It's like getting a package. Every. Single. Day.

sometimes i am married to bear grylls and we have lunch dates with robert downey jr. and his wife. she and i are good friends.

dear fleur.
tandy mandy wrote a cute post on 'sometimes.' i think i'll be a copycat and do one too.

sometimes i rub my eyes for 5 minutes straight.

sometimes i pretend that i'm married to robert downey jr. sometimes i only wear tights. sometimes i wake up and sew for 6 hours in my pajamas. and then i eat lunch. sometimes i take a nap on the floor. sometimes people look at me funny when i tell them i like the opera. sometimes i read french books. and i don't speak french.
sometimes my toenails turn black because i run too much.
sometimes i want a bathrobe.
sometimes there is no one at home, so i play the beatles as loud as i can and eat cottage cheese.
sometimes i think i'm crazy.
sometimes i watch bear grylls by myself.

tomight i watched bear grylls with franny and tandy and mamie.
want to know a secret?

i want to marry someone named bear. that is my dream. and if i don't, i will name my first little boy 'bear.'
laugh all you want.
i think that is soooooooooo rad.
i will name them,
bear.
and madeline.
and rosamund.
and i will be so happy.

i just need to find a husband.

just kidding.
i can name my dolls that if i never get married.

kidding. again.

love, bell.

EDIT: sometimes i want to get married, just to name little boys and girls.