Burning my house.

Dear Fleur.

One birthday present down. 1000 to go.

I just got back from a wedding.
It made me wonder.
It made me wonder what all those people thought of me. In my lipstick and wedge heels and new little dress with amazing pockets.
It made me wonder if I'll ever get married. And even if I want to get married.
It made me wonder if they could smell the beer on my hands(Gotta love recycling).
It made me wonder how many of them could recite a poem...because my mind ran away with me.
I like to wonder.
Weird.

I had a dream today. A good one. In a way.

My house was burning down. And this was MY house. I lived in it by myself.
I was standing in the kitchen in my pajamas while the flames were creeping up the curtains, but I didn't care. I was making pancakes.
There were firemen methodically marching through the front door bringing my chairs outside. I had a lot of chairs. Nice chairs. Antiques. Vintage finds. Reupholstered in adorable flowered prints. That was the firemen's job. To get my chairs out of the house. And there I was, flipping pancakes. Watching. It made no sense at all.
And then one of them approached me after they took the last chair outside. Nice looking. He was big. His helmet had fallen off and his face was sooty. His hair was singed, but a gorgeous chestnut colour. And his hands were burned. He told me in a decided voice that he would take the pancakes outside and that I could go choose whatever I could carry in an armful, but that was all.
He left.
And I went into my bedroom and looked.
I chose a dress. I think it meant something really important to me. And I grabbed my Keats book and The Little Prince and my notebook&journal. A box of lace from France. And then I took one letter. It was from God. And it wasn't opened.
Then I left.
My house was consumed in flames.
The firemen and I sat outside and ate pancakes on my front yard while watching it burn. From my perspective in the dream, it was the oddest thing.
Me. Sitting on my lawn surrounded by 7 firemen. My hair a huge mess on my head. Only wearing a men's pajama shirt and some slipper boots. A small pile of things next to me. Chairs all over the front yard. And a tablecloth on my clothesline.
I wasn't even sad. I just watched the flames get higher. I think I liked the way they made my cheeks warm.
There was a letter from God on my right knee.
But I didn't open it.
I was too busy yelling at the nice looking fireman about how he had left the maple syrup inside.

So ridiculous. I know. But still, it was good. It made me wonder what was in the letter. And why that dress mattered(I don't even own a dress that looked like that one). And even why we were watching my house burn.
I don't know.
But I liked it.

Now I have to go make more presents. And draw. I am liking drawing lately. Maybe I'll even draw firemen. And something about lace.

I am so in love with lace lately.
But that could just be the wedding.

Love. Bella.