How to be a boring Christian

Jesus found me when I was something like five years old. No fireworks, no flash, no bang. Just me as a child and a few tears pressed out of the corners of my eyes because of a very real fear in a dark theater. I surrendered what little life I had then, and all the rest of my years as well.

If anyone has a boring testimony, it's me.  

I need to tell you, I think the worst thing I've ever done is lie.

I don't say that to brag in self-righteousness about my goodness. Please don't read it like that, although you probably already did. All sin is the same in God's eyes. I am just as ugly and filthy as the next person. I'm saying it though, to put this into context for you. I've never done anything incredibly terrible. I'm not very adventurous. I don't have much real life experience. I can count the R rated movies I've seen on my fingers. And turns out, I'm just a small town girl who's never kissed a boy. In all honesty, most people call it innocence, but the reality of it is, I'm probably a little bit naive. 

I've always felt guilty about that.

When your life is as lulling as mine has been, you begin to doubt the credibility of your salvation. You also begin to feel guilty. 

I worry constantly now that people will assume I expect perfection of them because of the life I've lived. And while I do expect wondrous things of people, I don't expect perfection. That's a ridiculous standard I am trying to rid myself of. I never knew what grace was, and now I feel it's continuously necessary for me to apologize to everyone for my high expectations because I'm still learning to forgive myself. 

And so, I worry. 

I worry that people will think I have a holier-than-thou attitude if I tell them my story. 

I worry that I make people feel guilty about their past actions just by walking into a room and knowing me.

I worry that people will see through my facade of I have tragic circumstances as well and realize that all my tragedies ended in joyfulness and aren't really considered tragic in the first place.

I worry that they will be less willing to befriend me because I live in what seems like a fairytale.

I worry that people will judge me for my simplicity. 

I worry that people will dismiss me as a 'good girl.'

I worry that people will never tell me anything about their heart because they believe I'll not understand. 

I worry that people disregard my words because I'm outspoken about things when I have no valid experiences to relate to those areas and shouldn't say what I think anyway.

I worry that people will think I am always judging them.

I worry that people will notice my doubts and shaking hands.

I worry that people will realize while I pretend to be a Paul, I'm really just a Peter.

I worry that I'll never get married because my ideals all relate to the life I've lived and no one will be willing to try hard enough the be that sort of man. 

I worry that people won't listen to me because there's nothing radical about my testimony, let alone my life. 

I worry that my life is a terrible representation of the Carpenter and His ministry and His heart because it doesn't burst with redemption and change. 

I worry that people will think me little and unwise. 

I worry that I rob the cross of its impact. 

But that's all wrong. I'm going to say that again. That is all wrong.

I was listening to an old sermon of Pastor Tim Chaddick's this morning. He was talking about Hosea and stories and testimonies. And near the end, he shares who he was and how God drastically changed his life for the better. It is all fireworks and flash and bang. Tim Chaddick's testimony is a celebration. It's a redemption story like none other. 

But it's paired with another testimony. 

His wife's.

Her's is subtle, slow, and in all honesty, boring. It's a gentle work that Christ did through her, nothing huge and obvious. Just an incessant, ever-present walk throughout her life. And it was when he shared how he loved her for it, for the mellowness of her story, it was then I realized that this is why we have boring testimonies too. 

There is nothing wrong with having a boring, un-radical testimony. In fact, it's a necessary thing. Because when you have that simple, constant surrender of your life to Christ, you also have an amazing gift to give. You get to be a grace-giver. You get to be an actual illustration of mercy and love. You get to forgive people in a real manner that speaks to their heart. You get to demonstrate Jesus on a different level. It's not better and it's not less than. It's different. 

You, yes you. With your boring, plain testimony that took place probably sometime in your childhood and you feel like nothing drastic ever happened to you and you have no validity to preach the gospel with your story packaged neatly in your hands. 

You are necessary. 

More so than you think.

Because there are people out there who have the radical stories. The life-changing moments when everything turned around and Christ was so evident and obvious you could grab for Him. Those people, they feel guilty. The feel like grace is far-fetched. They walk around unsure that anyone so 'right' in comparison to themselves could ever accept them, let alone love them. They still feel the weight of all their sin. Their past, they carry it in their pockets, hiding it with a fervency and constantly worried that it will fall out or someone will get a peek. They live a life of forgiveness from Christ coupled with un-forgiveness from themselves. And while it's not necessary for all of these radical story people to be found and loved by a simple story person, it is important for some. 

Even after Jesus and His grace, it is important for some people to be found by a small worker and their grace. 

Your ministry as a considerably almost 'perfect' lover of the Lord who has never done anything relatively bad seems tiny in comparison to the hugely authentic and compelling lives of those who have done almost everything bad and completed a turn-around like none other seen before. You can't really preach in that persuasive manner, and oftentimes we regret that. 

Maybe you're like me. Maybe when you were younger you lied and fashioned for yourself problems that you never really had, struggles that never really took place. Maybe you made the things that actually did happen bigger than they were. Maybe you cried at something that didn't really crush your heart, but your tears gave it more legitimacy. Maybe you spent time on your knees, always worried that your friends would realize you have no idea what you're talking about when you tell them you can understand, when you pretend to relate to them in their difficult circumstances. 

Maybe you were a liar because you feared God has no use for those that seem to be smaller saints with less shiny stories than all the rest. 

Ministering to those who have 'messed up' on a deeper level by the world's standards of sin is not a grievous and less-than position though. 

It's beautiful. 

And you're one of the only people who can do it.  The fact that Jesus has lived in your heart and your life is one rhythmic pattern of constant devotion is not cause for grief. It should be a call for joy. 

Not everyone has lived a life which renders them capable of displaying Jesus in a beautiful way to those who haven't. 

Don't get me wrong, your forgiveness is no more valid than forgiveness from others, but it is gorgeous in a different manner nonetheless. 

Can you imagine making every mistake in the book, living a life rampant with sin and destruction, and then one day waking up and turning to someone who has tried daily to be better than they ever have been and righter still, and they look at you and say, it's okay. All that stuff you did, I don't hold it against you. I think you're beautiful anyway. And because Jesus forgave me, I can forgive you. I forgive you.
I forgive you.
Those are probably some of the most powerful words you could ever say to another soul.

We each preach the Carpenter differently through our lives. Whether it's a radical, beautiful change that slams onto the chest of everyone who hears it in a breathless way that catches in your throat, choking you with tears, or it is a devoted, simple life that was lived with a loyalty that followed all the rules all the days, they are both important. 

We are all creatures of the cross once we're sinners saved by grace. 

Don't belittle God's ability to use each of his beings in a beautiful way by counting yourself and your story useless. His plan is always better than we imagine. Have faith in that. 

You never know if you're going to meet a Tim Chaddick who thinks the most beautiful thing he's ever seen is the most boring thing you've ever been. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." So often we need to know everything about everything. I think sometimes though, it should be enough that God knows everything about everything. It should be enough that even in our boringness we are promised a future and a hope.

Your purpose isn't something you know all the time. Usually, it's something you do. 

If you are interested in listening to Pastor Tim Chaddick's sermon, it can be found here. If you are interested in reading a small part of what else I think about boring testimonies, you can find that here. And if you have any thoughts or questions or ever want to meet for coffee, you can always email me . I think we need to share our thoughts more with one another, so please, let's make more of an effort to get to know one another and share the beautiful things we know of and are learning.