L I F E

Life happens at the most awkward moments. I am not one of those blessed women to whom everything seems graceful or poignant and well-said-or-done. I have my days, it's true. Those especially sweet, fragrant days that start off with just right mornings brimming with tea and good food and all said in a slow drawl. And of course everything after that is right and perfect and involves French that I understand and people that I miss. And maybe the skin at the corner of my eyes wrinkles in a good way from it all. I have those days. The best sort.
But then.
Then there are the others. I think too often we deny ourselves the right to brokenness and failure. That we only want to claim those good days and pretend the others never happened. But those are beautiful. Those days are good too.
I will say that again.
Those are beautiful. Those days are good too.
It is taking me what seems like an eternity to not just come to that conclusion, but to accept it. I am working for that though. I am building that though. Because I want to embrace my entire life. Not just the pieces that people deem better.

I try not to lie about my life. Especially since we live in a world that is all about visibility and documentation. The truth is, it is not always like this, or that. It is not always like what you think. I don't wake up every morning with a clean, white porcelain teapot waiting for me and have the two hours I want to sit down and enjoy my day with a rhythm that I love. I don't always have that. Some mornings I barely make it out the door with my tea. But the thing about it is, I make it.
I make it out the door.
And I think that is beautiful too. When you love something enough, you'll do anything for it. So even though it is not always like that, or this, it almost is.

I came home the other night at midnight, and I found an envelope for me on the table. It was already open, because that is one of the perks of living in a house full of six. I looked at the letter in it with tired eyes and my hair was a mess and I was wearing sweatpants and it was big. It was big news.
That letter changed everything.
My life didn't change at a beautiful moment during the day when I looked at my best and I was reading Dickens or painting a story or even awake. It changed, in a split second, at the birth of a new day when it was still dark outside.
But it changed.
There is a path up my mountain, and my life is changing.
Tell me that's not beautiful. I dare you.