Monster of a day.

I got tired of writing my history paper. So I stopped. I just stopped. In the middle of a sentence too. I didn't even care.
I won't lie.
Today has been rough.

I would write it all down for you. Tell you my woes about traffic citations and $200 tickets and the fear that a judge is so human he won't clear my driving record. Woes of a mean woman and toast and wait-listed classes. Woes of just utter frustration. But I won't. I won't do that. I want to do that, but I won't.

Because no matter how bad I think it is, kindness still exists. Kindness is there, he's always there, whether we like it or not. Tripping us up as we walk with slumped shoulders and grumble to ourselves, my life is awful. Nothing good happens to me. This isn't fair. I hate today. Then he leaps in front and pushes on your legs as you say, get off. Just get off. I don't want you right now. But he doesn't. He keeps jumping out and pushing on you and pressing until you just finally give in and let it go.

Let it go.

I would write it all down for you. My sadness. My bitterness. My anger. But I won't.
Instead, I'll tell you about the young man who just bought my copies because my card wasn't working and I was getting frustrated and I think my face was red.
I have 85 cents on here I'm never going to use, he said.
I almost objected, tried to shove his kindness off. I don't want it, I seethed in my head. Don't help me.
But I only said it in my head, because before I knew it, he had paid for my copies.
Thank you, I barely breathed out.
No problem, he said.

Some days, when everything eats at you, you just have to stop. You have to get over yourself and let it go. You have to remember the better days. The ones when you do all of your French homework and make lemon pudding cake and drink iced coffee in the earliest part of the morning. The ones when you know life isn't fair and you're still okay with that. The ones when you welcome kindness.
Those days.
Not the monsters that bite at your joy with gaping jaws.

I will always have good things.
Kindness will always exist.
And I need more faith.

Faith in people.
Faith in humans.
Faith in myself.
Faith.