Simplicity.

There is a bruise up high on my left thigh, near the hip. It's almost like two fingers pressed onto my skin and left their purple marks behind. I don't know where it came from, but it's small. And it's a simple thing in my life right now. That bruise speaks of the same simplicity that my new cream shirt does. Or my small book of Keats I have been relishing. Or words. Words have been simpler for me these days.
I am falling for direction, but he is a painful lover.
Go here, he says. Do this, he says. Don't stray from this path, he reminds me. Come back, he says. Simpler, he says.
Be simple. Sometimes I want to shoot him for saying that. I want to be flustered and busy and critical of everything. I want description and whims and chaos. I want to be a bird. But then I realize how ridiculous it is to want to shoot a sense of direction. How senseless that would leave me.

This morning the sky was an ombre of pale pink melting up into butter and blue. It was the simplest start to my day that I could have hoped for. And so I breathed. I didn't even try to think about anything but my muttered prayers and my breaths.
I was simple.

I think I was seduced by direction in my math class. The first day we met my teacher said to everyone,
Math is the purest thing in life. It is simple.
And very gradually, I am coming to believe him. I have never loved math. It's always been words for me. Always. But I want to speak this new language. I honestly do. It's like French and sign. I want to speak numbers. They are simple. They are direct. I used to think that creativity was stifled in math, that imagination was suffocated. But now I think that math is like glass. You don't need to do anything to glass, it's just beautiful the way it is.
I don't always need to be changing or making things. Some things just are.

I recently bought myself two new sets of ink pens and five paintbrushes. I am determined to draw and paint my sunrises.
I just really want to make mussels for a dinner party. And I don't even like seafood.
"I am a parcel of vain strivings tied by a chance bond together." I am also many contradictions these days.
I want less bruises.
I have an aching in my soul to go to Charleston.
I just need simplicity.