Bridesmaid.

I discovered yesterday that I had a project due today by noon that I hadn't even started on. It made me a little, tiny bit uneasy. I tried not to think about it, and I went to an art show with Mandy instead of thinking about it and we ate truffles & baklava. How's that for ignorance?

I have been sitting here all morning drawing foxes and brains. But, I did finish my project. 

I have a confession to make.

Last year I decided to give up buying clothes for that year. I wrote a list of rules. Lusted for blue babydoll bib coats. Destroyed my favorite bow flats. Really struggled with Anthro. 

And then finished.

I finished at Kirsten Bean's house where we were staying for a second Christmas. It was a subtle finish. Someone mentioned it here or there. I thought about it once or twice. But really, I had no inclination to dwell on my sudden, so-called victory. I had thought a little about what I would do to celebrate. Maybe buy myself TOMS; I had really wanted a pair of those. Or that tiny yellow leather purse hanging in the thrift shop. Or just a tee shirt; I have fallen in love with soft organic tee shirts. 

But none of that happened.

January went by. February went by. March. April. And now May. We are in May.

I still haven't broken a rule. I still haven't bought anything. It's a little bit unsettling. 

I bought a dress the other day. It's a pale, pale pink, almost nude color and floor length. It hasn't come yet. I'm a bit afraid it's not going to fit. I thought for a while that that was my first purchase. I was elated with myself. Then I realized that it doesn't count. I bought it because I needed it. It was an "emergency" as my rules say. 

My oldest sister is getting married.

That dress is my bridesmaid dress. 

I am confused. I'll admit that. I don't know what to do. This wasn't the plan. I wasn't supposed to go for this long. The time was sure and set. January 1st to December 31st. But I've gone over. Way over. January 1st to May 4th, of the next year. 

I have thought about it a few times, buying something, I mean. There was a skirt in one store that I almost got. I carried it around with me for at least thirty minutes. It was navy blue and had little birds on it. And then there was a sweater that had geometric patterns all over the front of it. I really liked the neckline on that one. And the grey scoop neck tee shirt. And the green flats. And the black & white dress with the frills around the sleeves. And the chunky knitted cardigan. And all the other times and pretty items that I held and carried and then eventually put back where I found them first. 

I just can't bring myself to do it.

And until I do, I can't write this book. So there. Now you know. I am ruined.

I have to go write a ten page essay on an unreached people group now. And also collect my eggs from the hens. Make some more tea. Draw another fox. Fix my hair. I should really fix my hair. 

Anyway.