We are sitting at the table doing French homework. I am elsewhere though. At least my soul. My little brother has been devouring the "Inkheart" trilogy which means that I am too. Which means I am in a current state of wanderlust. I want to go to Maine. I want to read myself into The Chronicles of Narnia. I want to live The Princess Bride. I want to drive to the East coast. I want June. I want to pack a backpack and tour Europe. I want to live in a small house. I want to find Neverland. I want to travel. I want to see. To feel. To walk. To breathe.
In Inkheart the characters have the ability to read themselves into books. Fairytales. I wish that I could do that. I wish I could form words more beautifully, beautifully enough to weave a spell about myself to take me into a strange and familiar place. Somewhere that I've only imagined through another person's words. Like the places I go at night in my head.
But I am here. In my kitchen at 10pm and thinking of J.M.Barrie and irregular "ir" verbs. Nowhere near the East coast or my copy of Peter Pan. It's the nights like this when I have to tell myself, be satisfied. Be satisfied with your own life and words and stories crafted about lions named "Rosemary" and small leather purses.
There is a tiny yellow leather purse I recently found myself swooning over in the thrift shop in town the other day. I contemplated making it my first buy since Clothesless ended. I still haven't bought anything. But I don't know. I want to. I really do. I think it might be somewhat of an adventure. Buying something after a whole year of not buying anything. Doesn't that seem kind of pathetic though? I think so. Some girl in Oregon standing in a second-hand store, frustrated with a very small decision concerning materialism, and coming to terms with the fact that a lifelong protest is not an option.
I just need to go to Maine.
Crisp seaside air and docks with sleeping bags and living out of a backpack for a while and eating good food and knitted cardigans. I can see it now in my head.
I should go to sleep.
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