Paul.

Dear Fleur.
This week started off really hard for me. Just missing friends and thinking and wanting things to go back to the way they were.
I'm trying to switch gears back into happiness before Friday.
Friday I have a placement test for college.
So I've been reading my Bible a lot.

I've been thinking about Paul. In Church they keep talking about Paul. And how he used to be Saul. And then God knocked him on his butt and blinded him for a while and then totally messed his life up for the better.
I broke it down for myself after a few weeks.
He started off as Saul. The perfect Jew. He came from the right family. Following every rule. Every law. I imagine he was handsome. And had a large following. He did persecute the early Church after all, there had to be some sort of popularity in that line of work. And he was probably rich. And had a lot of things. In my head, Saul was
a very wealthy pretty boy bounty hunter with the flawless Jewish background. He was the perfect guy.
Then God came in.
And screws up everything for him. The guy has spent a lifetime living by the rules and building a reputation and killing off the "Christians." And with a single breath, the Lord blows him over, blinds him, and changes his name.
And Saul became Paul.
Can you imagine the first time he walked into one of their meetings? Seriously? I can't even imagine how long it would have taken him to earn enough of one man's trust just to find out where the meeting was held. It's incredible. That he even got into the Church. The guy who had put a price on every Christian's head. He walks right in, and sits down, and has to learn the words to the songs.
I would really like to say I would have loved to meet Paul. He's one of my favourites. But I can't say that. Because if I had been around back then, a part of the early Church, a little Christian girl who would probably be scared to death,
I think I would have hated him.
It would have been so hard to learn to love Paul. Or better yet,
TO FORGIVE HIM.
No matter how attractive he could have been.

God does the most ridiculous things. He never uses the people you would think of. He always takes the hard way.
Mumblers. Scorners. Scoffers. Unbelievers. Sinners. Liars. Tax collectors. Fishermen. Doubters. Whores. Drunkards. Addicts. Hypocrites. And,
the most perfect Jew.
The least expected.

It made me grateful to be un-perfect. I kind of like it.
Because I think God might use me too one day. Maybe not to do something so drastic as write love letters and angry notes to the Church. But maybe something else. Something important too. But smaller.

I love the way Jesus works.
Love Bella.