Markus Zusak sweater girl.

Dear Fleur.
I got my license yesterday. And it was actually really funny. I had to roll the window down before the test. And when he got in the car with me, it wouldn't roll back up.
I think we'll just have to do it with the window down, I told him.
O.K., he said.
And he had to talk really loud the whole time because I think I am partially deaf from those ear infections I had a few weeks ago and the window was down and loud buses were going by us.
I laughed.

I was reading in Hosea this morning. I'm actually in Isaiah, but sometimes I like to pretend that I am spontaneous and read in a different place than I am supposed to. It makes me feel like a rebel.
Hosea married a whore.
It says so.
I thought about that today. The other Christians probably already thought he was a little crazy. I mean, he was a prophet, right? I would of thought the prophets were all insane. Even back then. Seriously.
So he's this guy. A man who runs around talking about his weird dreams and telling people what's going to happen and it really does happen and he probably scares a lot of them. And he's not too attractive I don't think. My guess is he doesn't really care about his appearance. He could of prayed a lot. Out loud.
I bet they thought he was mad.
And then he goes and marries a prostitute.
Really?
I mean in all honesty, do you think there was a single person who supported Hosea in his decision to do that? Do you think they believed that God told him to do that?
I wouldn't have.
I would have written him off. I probably would have called him a fallen man. A sinner who walked away from the Lord. A liar. I would have cried and pleaded and begged for him to turn from his bad decision. Marry a whore. God would never tell anyone to do that. God is loving and sweet and kind and merciful and He only wants the best for us.
I got a rude awakening this morning.
God ruined Hosea's life. He completely devastated everything that man ever had. He took his reputation. His supposed sanity. His probable hope for a nice little wife.
God had Hosea marry a whore.

I felt like I was punched in the face.
And I finally got it.

Humans are really stupid.

It was like a Markus Zusak and the Bible moment for me. Kind of hard to explain. But I loved it and hated it and thought really hard.

Today I sewed the hole in my dress, made a pink book, read a ton of Emily Dickinson, and was slapped by God. it's been a good day so far. Nat is also helping me figure out how to be a reader for audiobooks. I think it could be good. I think I could like that.
I'm going to go draw now.
Love Bella.

POSTSCRIPT:
I would like this sweater for Christmas. Please. And a notebook to write about Hosea in.