#6. edison.

(via.)

dear fleur.

i am kind of writing a novel.
well, i guess you can call it a novel. i usually just call it my book. or "manly." because that's actually what it's called.
"the manly nanny."

it gives me writer's block.
there was one amazing week when i felt like i could write in it forever. i would sit in my bedroom with my door closed wrapped in my quilt and listening to pavarotti and breaking 100 yellow pencils. after that i switched to pens. nice ink pens.
and then i got writer's block.

i think i still have it.

i love that book though. i find working on it gorgeous. explaining the children. and manly. alice. massimo. i have grown to adore all of them.
and the painting i do while writing it. and the balloons i've blown up. the music i listened to. the sweaters i wore. sitting outside in the freezing cold in my slippers. laying on the front lawn in pajamas. fixing my hair 1000 times.

honestly.
i love working on manly.
i do.
but i haven't done it for a long time.

so today, i will get it out. after work. and sit on my back porch. covered in blankets. with frizzy hair. and sweats. and lipstick.
AND MANLY AND I WILL MEET AGAIN.

i'm always sad when i don't write in my book.
i don't know why i pretend that i don't know that.

love. bella.